There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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