remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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