I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
