Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
