my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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