It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
