bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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