It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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