I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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