Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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