I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
