Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
