note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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