Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
