We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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