it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
