every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
