So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
