i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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