go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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