I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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