I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
