ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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