I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have post one night stand depression
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
