If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
