Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
