Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
