apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The air taste purple.
Randomize
