I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
