Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
