Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
