just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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