I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
