The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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