:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
