I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
