I need to stop coming to work sober
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
