i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i will never coherently bang her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
