i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
