you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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