u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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