I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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