the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pants are for mortals
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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