remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
