and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
