I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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