Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
