I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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