oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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