Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
