Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
