so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
