I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I deserve this hangover.
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