Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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