I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she looked like the before picture.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
