Define "chronic" masturbator.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
