my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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