took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
