I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
