Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize