I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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