No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize