Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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