It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
