idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
