she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
