Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize