yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
