I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
