plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
