We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
