my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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