She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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