I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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