So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
