Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
