I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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