Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He did a backflip because drugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
