Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
