The maid of honor just puked.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
