a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
