And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
