last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
