I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
