there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Shame is for Republicans.
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