I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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