Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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