Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
