we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
