Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Found the puke drawer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
