So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
