I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My bed smells like the plague
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
