I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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