your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
