did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
