jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
