I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize