dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
