i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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