JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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