Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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