All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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