Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
