At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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