you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
