WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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