Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
