I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
