She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize